


Make You Feel My Love

by drivingmishcrazy



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fake Character Death, Secret Relationship, Strauss actually showing mercy, Surprise pregnancy, a child surprise, demily doesn’t know sex makes babies I guess, emily getting pregnant in increasingly unlikely scenarios, ian doyle ruins everything, post-episode s6e18: Lauren, set during s7e1: it takes a village
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drivingmishcrazy/pseuds/drivingmishcrazy
Summary: Set after the events of Lauren and during the events of It Takes A Village.When Emily comes back, she comes back changed and it turns Derek’s world upside down.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Make You Feel My Love

**Author's Note:**

> I think at this point I’ve run through every possible way this episode could have gone if Derek and Emily had been canon. This whole thing pretty much hinges on the fact that implantation can take up to twelve days after conception so I might be stretching the suspension of disbelief here, but it was fun to write and I hope you enjoy.

Seven months. Seven months of grief and pain and guilt. Seven months of his life he could never get back and it had all been a lie.

Derek might have been able to stand it, seeing her again after seven months of thinking she was gone forever, cold in the ground. He almost could have handled seeing the woman he had loved so fiercely and with such reckless abandon that he had allowed them to forgo protection the last time they were together, mere days before she had run, before she had died, or so he thought. He could have nearly stood the waves of betrayal at seeing her there, even more beautiful than she had been the last time he had laid eyes on her, if it hadn’t been for one crucial detail.

It had been the first thing he had noticed after he realized it was really Emily standing there. Derek wasn’t sure if the rest of the teams eyes had been drawn to the unmistakable curve of her stomach and the fact that her clothing clung to her in a way it never had before or if he was simply hyper aware when it came to her. It was far too obvious a change to have been just a trick of the light and Derek could swear he felt Hotch and JJ’s eyes on him as he stared at Emily, noting the apprehension and regret in her eyes when she looked back at him. When she pulled him into a tight hug, her chin resting on his shoulder and her swelling abdomen pressed against him, hushed apologies repeated over and over again in his ear, any doubt that Derek might’ve still had was instantly removed.

Emily Prentiss was back, she was apparently  _ very  _ pregnant, and Derek knew without asking or her having to tell him that the baby was his.

There was no time to talk, no time to demand an explanation from her or anyone else, no time to ask the million questions that whirled through his mind like a tornado, not when Declan’s life was at stake. They all needed to focus on the case, but that didn’t make Derek any more able to tear his eyes away from Emily anytime she was in the room, and it didn’t do anything to quash the anger and confusion and hurt inside of him. His behavior was odd enough that the team began to pick up on it and when it was made clear to him that Emily was going to speak to Doyle, to try and get something out of him that no one else could, his reaction was extreme enough that Hotch had to pull him aside and tell him to get it together.

“Hotch, you can’t be serious.” Derek said through clenched teeth. “The whole reason Doyle wanted to kill Emily was because he thought she was responsible for his son’s death and I don’t know if you noticed, but she’s not hiding a basketball under that shirt.”

“Prentiss is perfectly safe.” Hotch said sternly. “She won’t be alone with Doyle and he won’t have any opportunity to harm her. I understand that you’re angry and you have a lot of questions, but you need to keep your emotions under control.”

“Did you know?” He asked.

“I wasn’t made aware of her pregnancy until just before she arrived and she warned me about it.” Hotch said. “No one knew except for her.”

Derek didn’t respond, trying to reckon with this new information and the reality of the situation. Hotch studied him, a look of realization coming over him as he took in Derek’s reaction and put the pieces together.

“You’re the father.” Hotch said. “Aren’t you?”

“Unless there was someone else that I don’t know about, it sure seems that way.” Derek replied. “And I know what we did was against agent conduct but could you  _ please  _ spare me the lecture right now?”

“That discussion can wait.” Hotch said. “Though I’m sure Strauss will have a few things to say about your situation. Right now, our focus is on Declan.”

“I know.” Derek said. “I’ll keep my head on straight until this is all over Hotch, don’t worry about that.”

“Good.” Hotch turned to leave. “But when you  _ do  _ get a chance to talk to Prentiss, go easy on her. You just found out you’re going to be a father, she’s had to go through the last few months without any support.”

Derek nodded. “I will.”

For her part, Emily tried her best to focus on the task at hand. Part of her was glad to be back, relieved to not have to hide away in Paris anymore. She longed to talk to Derek, she saw the way he had looked at her, had seen the shock and understanding in his eyes when she had walked into the conference room and his gaze fell to her pregnant stomach. It had been a difficult seven months and all she had wanted in those past seven months was to hear his voice telling her that it would be alright. She tried more than once to catch his eye when they were together, but there was never a chance to pull him aside and talk with him privately. JJ, however, caught up to Emily in the halls of the BAU and though Emily wasn’t hiding her pregnancy, literally  _ couldn’t  _ hide it at that point, she found herself quickly removing her hands from her stomach where she had just been touching it. The rapid growth of her stomach had caused her skin to stretch, which agitated her all too recently healed scar. She had also been attempting to soothe the child inside her that had decided that her mother’s bladder was perfect for kickboxing practice. JJ shot her a curious look but didn’t comment on Emily’s behavior or the embarrassment on her face.

“How’re you doing?” JJ asked nonchalantly. “It must be weird being back after seven months.”

“I’m good.” Emily replied. “I really missed you guys. How’s the team? Are they upset?”

“Honestly, I think they’re in shock.” JJ said, then nodded at her. “So are we gonna talk about the head of lettuce sized elephant in the room?”

“Believe it or not, I was just as surprised as the rest of you guys when I found out.” Emily said. “I didn’t know until about five months ago. I couldn’t believe it.”

“Wow.” JJ said. “So this must have happened right before everything with Doyle?”

“Based on my due date and date of conception?” Emily said. “About three days before.”

“I’d ask who the father is.” JJ said. “But considering there’s one person here who can’t take his eyes off of you and it’s the same person that you haven’t been able to  _ look _ in the eye, I think I might already know.”

“It’s not what you think.” She said.

JJ arched an eyebrow. “It’s not?”

“We weren’t just screwing around.” Emily explained, picking at her nails. “I loved him. I still do.”

“I didn’t think that.” JJ shook her head. “I mean, it was pretty obvious, you guys were not  _ nearly  _ as sneaky as you thought you were, I saw the way you two looked at each other. And the way Morgan was after you...it was obvious that he was heartbroken.”

“He’s got to hate me.” Emily said. “After everything he’s been through...and then I just waltz back in almost seven months pregnant with his child…”

“He doesn’t hate you.” JJ said. “I think he’s just stunned. He  _ did  _ just find out that you’re still alive and that he’s going to be a dad. It’s a lot to process.”

“I know.” Emily sighed. “I just wish I could get five minutes alone to  _ talk  _ to him.”

JJ touched her arm. “You will, I promise.” She said, a reassuring smile on her lips. “I’m happy for you, by the way. I told you I thought you and kids was a good idea. You’re going to be an amazing mother.”

Emily smiled. “Thank you.” She said. “I’m really happy.”

_ Five months earlier  _

_ Emily stared down at the positive pregnancy test that she had bought yesterday when she realized that she hadn’t had a period since before Doyle had almost killed her. At first she had attributed it to stress and the grief at being away from a life she had grown to love but then the morning sickness had started, and try as she might to write it off as anxiety or something she ate, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different. Still, she hadn’t really expected it to come back positive. The only man she had been with for the past two years was Derek and they had always been careful, it had just been that  _ one  _ time. She winced when she stared down at the plus sign, apparently once had been more than enough. _

_ What the fuck was she going to do? _

_ The most logical solution would be to terminate. Emily knew that the team was still searching for Doyle but the truth was that they might  _ never  _ catch him and if they didn’t, she would have to do this alone, a single mother raising a child who would never be able to know who they  _ really  _ were. Derek would live and die never knowing that he had a child, that she had made him a father. The thought was almost too much to bear. Worse still, what if Doyle found out she had not only survived but gone on to deliver a child? The thought that he would see taking her baby away from her the same way she had taken Declan from him as poetic made Emily’s blood run cold. The easiest thing would be to make sure this baby never came to be. _

_ And yet. And yet… _

_ She  _ wanted  _ to have this baby. She had wanted to be a mother before any of this happened, and now Emily didn’t know if she could bring herself to sever this one connection to her old life, her life with Derek and the future she had once hoped they would have. Having this child,  _ their  _ child, would be like having a little piece of that life back. Emily smiled at the thought that she would spend the rest of her life raising a child that looked like Derek. She might never get to see him again, but she would be able to catch glimpses of him in the face of their baby and remember just how much he had loved her and how much she would always love him. In that moment, she knew she was going to keep the baby. She had already lost so much lately, Doyle had stolen Emily’s life from her. He wouldn’t make her give this up too. _

_ Emily Prentiss was going to be a mother, no matter how difficult it was. Doyle wouldn’t take that from her. _

Derek didn’t hear Rossi approaching until the older man clapped him on the back. He had been so preoccupied with the case and the constant fight to push back thoughts of his impending fatherhood that he had lost himself in the depths of his own mind. He turned to look at Rossi and received a sympathetic smile and shrug of the shoulders.

“Secret girlfriend comes back from the dead heavily pregnant.” Rossi said. “That sounds like a headline from the National Enquirer.”

Derek raised his eyebrows. “You knew?”

“We all might’ve had an inkling that there was something going on between you two that was all but confirmed just now.” Rossi said, a smirk appearing on his face. “A word to the wise, if you’re trying to keep your relationship a secret, try to keep the longing stares to a minimum and avoid subconsciously reaching for her hand while you’re on a case.”

“Fair enough.” Derek chuckled. “Man, I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to learn how to be a dad in less than three months?”

“The same way you would do it in nine months, I would imagine.” Rossi said. “As far as I know, I don’t have any kids but from what I’ve heard, you read the books and take the classes, convince yourself that you know everything you need to know, then when the baby is born you realize you know absolutely nothing.”

Derek laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know squat about having a kid.” He said. “I feel like I don’t even know how to feel. I’m angry that I spent seven months thinking Emily was dead, but I don’t know, every time I look at her it’s like I’m falling for her all over again.”

“You’re hurt, it’s understandable.” Rossi said. “But if you want my advice, don’t let that hurt you feel get in the way of what you feel for her. Not very many people get a second chance like this, and a family besides.”

“She must have been so scared.” Derek said. He swallowed against the lump in his throat. “I wasn’t able to be there for her when she needed me the most.”

“You can be there for her now.” Rossi said. “When all of this is over, go talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her and that when this baby comes, you’re gonna be right there with her, holding her hand.”

Derek smiled. “I think I will.”

_ Two months earlier _

_ The ultrasound gel was cold against her growing belly. Emily was twenty weeks pregnant and the time had come for the anatomy scan. She had been hesitant at first to seek medical care, worried that too much contact with the outside world would increase the risk of blowing her cover but she quickly came to her senses. She was a first time mother and she was over forty, if she wanted to have a healthy baby, then that was a chance she was going to have to take. _

_ It was thrilling for Emily to see the progress of her baby’s growth and development. The first time she heard that little heartbeat, she felt her own heart sing. Getting a chance to see that growing little nugget wiggle around and move their arms and legs had been the highlight of her time in hiding and she found herself looking forward to every appointment, especially ones where she got to see her child. Still, it was lonely and Emily often found herself dealing with intense feelings of sorrow when she thought about how Derek was missing out on the beginnings of his child, that he wasn’t even aware that any of this was happening. She tried not to think about it too much, she didn’t want to stress out the baby who had already begun to kick and respond to her voice and touch. _

_ When the scan had concluded and Emily had wiped the gel from her stomach, her doctor, an older woman by the name of Therese Contreau with a no-nonsense manner and a kind face looked over the results of the scan and gave a quick nod before taking a seat beside Emily and clearing her throat. _

_ “The results of the scan all appear to be normal.” Dr. Contreau said. “There is nothing to indicate abnormal development or cause for concern.” _

_ “So the baby is healthy?” Emily replied.  _

_ “Yes.” Dr. Contreau said. “The baby’s organs appear to be developing properly and functioning the way they’re supposed to, the baby is measuring on the lower side of average for the gestational age but we can continue to monitor their growth to ensure that there isn’t a more serious problem. All in all, the baby appears healthy and your pregnancy looks to be progressing normally.” _

_ Emily nodded. “Okay.” _

_ Dr. Contreau made a few notes in her case file. _

_ “Were you interested in finding out the sex of your child?” She asked. “I can tell you if so.” _

_ Emily bit her lower lip and considered her options for a moment. Part of her wanted to wait, to be surprised and find out when the baby was born. Another part of her secretly held out hope that she would still be able to go home, reunite with Derek, and that they would be able to find out what they were having together. Emily quickly pushed that thought from her head, it was a pipe dream at best. It could be months or even years before she was able to see Derek again, if ever. It would be silly to hold off on finding out because of that. Besides, a larger part of her really  _ did  _ want to know, wanted to be able to buy cute clothes and decorate as best as she could, not to mention that she would have to start thinking about baby names soon. Emily smiled and nodded her head. _

_ “Yeah.” She said. “Yeah, I wanna know.” _

_ Dr. Contreau gave a warm reassuring smile. “Well then.” She said. “It appears that you are having a baby girl. A healthy baby girl.” _

_ Emily couldn’t stop the wide smile that spread across her face at the news. A girl! They were having a little girl! Her mind raced with excitement at all the possibilities and all of her plans for the future. She thought of all the things she wanted to teach her future daughter, the things she wanted to show her, the opportunity to build a relationship with her that she hadn’t had with her own mother. The thought leapt into her mind unbidden and without warning, ‘Derek is gonna be so excited when he finds out he’s going to have a little girl!’ It happened in a split second, she hadn’t meant to think the thought, but she did. Then reality hit her, cruelly and hard. Derek  _ wouldn’t  _ be excited because he couldn’t  _ know.  _ Emily’s face fell, tears filled her eyes and she bit her lip hard to keep from crying. Dr. Contreau noticed Emily’s abrupt change in demeanor and her expression quickly became one of concern. _

_ “Madame Allard?” Dr. Contreau said gently, using the assumed name on Emily’s file. “Is everything alright?” _

_ “I’m fine.” Emily replied, wiping her eyes. “My husband passed away before I found out I was pregnant, it’s just difficult to remember that he won’t ever get to know his child. We had been trying to conceive for a year.” _

_ She was surprised by how easily the lie came to her, how much sense it made. The separation and inability to contact Derek certainly  _ felt  _ like a death in some respects, in some ways he might as well be dead. Dr. Contreau accepted Emily’s answer and reached over to pat her sympathetically on the arm. _

_ “To be a single parent is difficult.” She said. “If you would like, I could provide you with some resources for seeking additional support.” _

_ “No, no!” Emily said quickly. “Thank you, but I’m okay.” _

_ “That’s perfectly fine.” Dr. Contreau said. “And of course if you change your mind, I will be more than happy to assist you at any time.” _

_ Emily smiled and thanked the doctor again, then she gathered her belongings, went back to the little apartment she had called home for the past few months, and cried herself to sleep in the middle of the afternoon, not waking up til the next morning. She wanted Derek, she wanted him with her, that was her only thought as she sobbed through her broken heart. Emily had known from the outset how difficult going through this pregnancy all alone would be but every time she thought she had gained some level of acceptance, she would find that some days she was caught unaware by how devastating it truly was. _

_ And some days she just couldn’t be strong. _

It was funny how when you were up against the clock, every minute could feel like an hour. Derek refilled his cup of coffee and went back to look at the evidence board. His heart leapt when he saw that Emily was also in the room and that for the first time since he had first laid eyes on her after seven months, they were completely alone together.  _ Here’s my chance  _ he thought,  _ I can finally get to talk to her.  _ Then he noticed that Emily was leaning against the table slightly and she had a  _ weird  _ look on her face and he instantly became concerned. Was there something wrong with the baby? Was she going into premature labor? He took a few steps to close the distance between them and touched her elbow, worry apparent on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked. “Everything okay?”

Emily frowned quizzically then laughed. “Oh, no! I’m fine.” She said. “It’s just a little hard to concentrate when  _ someone  _ is kicking me like a damn mule.”

“Oh.  _ Oh!  _ Okay.” He said. “That’s uh, can I-?”

“Are you kidding?” Emily said, grabbing his hand and placing it on her belly. “Knock yourself out! I’ve been going crazy being the only one able to experience it!”

It took a moment before Derek felt it. His eyes widened in surprise at how strong it was, the kicks felt like little punches. It was strange and wonderful at the same time. That was his kid in there. Derek chuckled nervously but his expression was bright as he looked up at Emily, his hand seemed like it was glued to her.

“Man, that’s different.” He said. “It’s cool but it feels kinda weird, I’m not gonna lie.”

“You think  _ that’s  _ weird,” She said. “Just wait til she decides to stretch and you see a foot or a little elbow sticking out like some sort of alien.”

Derek’s heart gave a loud  _ thud.  _ He licked his lips nervously. “It’s a girl?” He asked. “The baby’s a girl?”

Emily’s smile faltered. “I’m sorry.” She said. “I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t want to tell you like this.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry.” He said. “I’m glad you told me, I wanted to know. I wanna know everything, Emily.”

“Well, I’d tell you how she got here.” Emily joked. “But I think you can probably guess.”

Derek chuckled. “That I can, princess.” He said, shaking his head. “That was quite a morning for us.”

“It was.” Emily said. She paused. “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He said. “More than you know.”

Silence fell between the two. Derek suddenly became  _ very _ aware not only of how close they were standing to one another, but that he had never removed his hand from Emily’s stomach. He didn’t know if it would be stranger to remove it now or leave it there. When he looked up at Emily, he noticed that her cheeks were flushed pink and her eyes were trained on him, focused on his mouth. Derek could have  _ sworn  _ he felt his heart stop. He had spent seven months torturing himself over her death and part of him wanted to be angry, not at Emily, he knew that it wasn’t her fault and that she didn’t have any choice in the matter, but in that moment all he felt was relief that she was there and the realization that he was still in love with her. 

Not that that love had stopped when he thought she was dead, but he noted that love paired with the grief of loss and love for a woman who was very much alive and the mother of his unborn child to boot were two  _ very  _ different feelings. Without meaning to, Derek found himself moving in and he had nearly closed the distance between Emily’s mouth and his own when Strauss walked in. Derek and Emily quickly moved farther apart like two teenagers who had just been caught in a compromising position by their parents. Strauss looked at the two and if she had any awareness that she had just interrupted a deeply personal and very policy-violating moment between them, her facial expression didn’t give anything away.

“Agent Morgan, Agent Prentiss.” She said. “Any new developments on Declan Doyle’s whereabouts?”

“Not yet.” Emily said. “I’m going in to talk to Doyle in a minute to see if I can get anything else out of him.”

“Maybe you’ll have better luck.” Strauss said. There was a pause. “As you both know, romantic and sexual relationships between agents in the same unit are generally discouraged and against conduct.”

Derek sighed and looked down at his shoes. “Yes ma’am.” He said. “We understand that.”

“However.” Strauss continued. “Given the unorthodox circumstances, I would be willing to see what exceptions could be made in this situation.”

Derek arched his eyebrows. “You would?”

“I’m not condoning what I just saw.” Strauss said. “Nor what I suspect was going on long before today, but I’m not completely heartless either, Agent Morgan.”

“Of course.” He said. “Thank you.”

“Thank me by staying focused on the case.” Strauss said. “There will be plenty of time for the two of you to navigate your personal lives after this is over.”

Derek sighed as Strauss made her exit. “Yes ma’am.”

_ Seven months ago  _

_ “Is everything alright?” _

_ Emily blinked and suddenly she was there again. Those brown eyes he had come to love, the dusting of freckles she tried to cover with makeup but that he could pick out even in a dark room. She had looked so far away just moments before, but then her eyes found his and she gave him a small smile. Derek smiled back at her, kissed her on the nose and reached over to brush dark bangs out of Emily’s face and lingered on her cheekbones, tracing every inch as if he were committing Emily’s face to his tactile memory. Derek ran a thumb across Emily’s bottom lip, Emily smiled and kissed the pad of his thumb. _

_ “Where’s your head, pretty girl?” He asked. “Where did you go just now?” _

_ “Hm?” Emily shook her head. “Sorry, just got lost in thought for a minute. I’m here now.” _

_ “About?” _

_ Emily propped herself up on one elbow. “I’m sorry?” _

_ “What were you thinking about?” Derek said, his brow furrowing. “Are you sure nothing’s bothering you, princess? You seem kind of scatterbrained.” _

_ “I’m fine.” She swatted at him playfully. “I was thinking about you, us. About how happy you make me.” _

_ “Oh?” He said. “Does this mean you’re giving some more thought to what I asked you about a couple months ago?” _

_ Emily grinned. “You know.” She said. “If you had told me a couple years ago that Derek Morgan of all people would be asking me to move in with him, I wouldn’t have believed you.” _

_ Derek shrugged, held her gaze. “I love you, Emily.” He said. “And I want everyone to know that, I don’t want to have to hide us anymore. Especially from the team.” _

_ “You know it’s not that simple.” She said quietly, averting her eyes. “There are rules, we can’t just announce we’re together like regular couples.” _

_ “I don’t care about the rules anymore!” He said. “What if we decide we wanna have kids someday? We gonna hide them from the team, too?” _

_ She frowned. “Since when is this about having kids?” _

_ “I  _ know  _ you want to be a mother, Emily.” Derek said, he stared her down. “And if I’m being honest with you, it’s kind of been on my mind lately.” _

_ “Derek, why didn’t you  _ tell  _ me that?” Emily exclaimed. Her face was all shock. “I had no idea you were thinking about all of this. What happened?” _

_ “Ellie Spicer happened.” He said. “Come on, you can’t tell me that surprises you all that much. If we hadn’t found her mom, I was seriously considering asking you if you would be okay with us taking her in. Since then… I don’t know, I know the last time we talked about it I said I wasn’t ready yet, but I think I’m more ready than I thought I was then.” _

_ “You’re ready?” Emily said. She had a strange look on her face. “Now?!” _

_ “Well I mean, probably not to have one like tomorrow.” Derek chuckled. “But if we started trying in the next year or so, I think I’d be okay with that.” _

_ Emily paused and thought for a second. She seemed troubled, if Derek didn’t know any better he would have thought she looked almost sad. He didn’t know why. They’d had several long conversations since they had gotten together almost three years ago and Emily had made no secret of her desire to have a family. Derek had always been careful to emphasize that while he definitely wanted a family of his own  _ someday,  _ he wasn’t quite there yet. He thought Emily would be thrilled to hear that he’d had a change of heart recently and her hesitation was hurtful in a way Derek hadn’t anticipated. Then her expression cleared like clouds moving out from in front of the sun and she nodded. _

_ “Okay.” _

_ Derek arched an eyebrow. “Okay?” _

_ “My lease is up in six months.” Emily said. “We can start looking for a place together, tell Hotch and the team about us and then if you’re  _ really  _ sure that you’re ready, we can start trying to get pregnant.” _

_ A smile broke over Derek’s face. “You mean it, princess?” He asked. “You really wanna do this?” _

_ Emily smiled back, though Derek could've sworn there was still sadness behind her eyes. “I do.” She said. “I want this more than you know.” _

_ Derek leaned over and kissed her then, his hand slid up under the sheet to cup her bare breast. It was still early and they had been busy last night, but the way Emily kissed him back suggested that she was ready for more. Kissing gave way to touching and before he knew it, Derek was pushing into her, the box of condoms in the nightstand drawer completely forgotten in the urgency of their need for one another. They melted into each other, lost themselves in ecstasy and didn’t give it another thought until they were finished. They were quiet for a long time after they realized what had just happened. Emily bit her fingernail. _

_ “I can get Plan B.” She said. “As long as I do it within seventy-two hours, we should be okay.” _

_ “You’re still on the pill, right?” Derek said. “So we should still be covered.” _

_ “Ninety-three percent covered.” Emily said. “God, what were we  _ thinking?  _ We  _ never  _ forget to use a condom.” _

_ “We just got carried away.” Derek said. “It happens. We’re still okay, Emily. We were just a little less careful than we usually are. As long as you’re on the pill, we should be fine. It was one time.” _

_ “You’re right.” She said, chuckling nervously. “I’m sorry, I’m just being paranoid.” _

_ “Hey.” He said. “If you want some extra reassurance, I’ll go out and get the Plan B.” _

_ “No, I’m okay.” Emily said smiling now. “I feel silly thinking about it now.” _

_ “Are you sure?” Derek asked. _

_ “Yeah.” She said. “We’ll be fine.” _

_ Derek couldn’t shake the misgivings he felt about the situation, worried about how strange Emily’s reaction then sudden backtracking was but he let it go. They would be fine. After all, what were the odds that the one time he and Emily hadn’t been extra cautious would be the one time her birth control failed? It would be fine and soon they would forget that it had ever happened in the first place. _

_ He didn’t know it then, but he would later come to find out just how wrong they had been. _

When it was all over, he finally got her alone. The case was done, the investigation into the BAU’s actions during the handling of the case had concluded and all seemed to be well again. The team would be meeting up for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant for margaritas or in Emily’s case, lemonade. Derek caught up with her by the elevators and though other members of the team were still waiting to go down, they hung back, seeming to sense that Derek and Emily needed a moment alone to talk. They stepped into the elevator in silence but no sooner had the doors closed in front of them did Emily turn to him.

“I know we haven’t had a chance to talk.” She said. Derek could see she was fighting back tears. “And I know that you must have so many questions, I can’t imagine how hurt and betrayed and angry you must feel. I will answer any questions that you have as best as I can, but I want you to know how sor-“

Derek cut her off by lowering his head and pressing his lips to hers. Emily jolted, caught off guard by the intimate gesture, something that had been missing from her life for the past seven months and one that she hadn’t dared to hope she would be able to experience again. Then she was wrapping her arms around him and pulling him as close as she could, her belly pressing up against him. He cradled her face with his hands and seven months of pain and anguish seemed to just melt away. He knew that things between them were far from fixed, it would take time for everything to truly be good between them again but in that moment he didn’t care. Emily was here. She was  _ alive  _ and she was having his baby. His little girl. When he pulled away, he buried his face in Emily’s hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo before pulling back to look her in the eye.

“Emily, I never stopped loving you.” He said. “I spent seven months grieving for the woman I thought I lost. We have a lot to discuss but right now all I can think about is how much I missed you and how glad I am that you’re still here. I’m grateful for that.”

“You don’t know how badly I needed to hear you say that.” Emily’s voice broke. “The minute I found out, all I wanted to do was talk to you and tell you that you were going to be a father. When I found out-“

Emily cut herself off, stared up into the distance, still desperate not to cry. She swallowed hard.

“When I found out.” She said. “That our baby was a girl, all I could think about was that you would be so excited and then I remembered. It broke me. I was afraid our daughter would live her whole life never getting to know who her father was.”

“Well I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.” Derek said. “Does she have a name yet?”

“No.” Emily laughed. “I could never decide on anything, I had a couple ideas but all I wanted was something that would remind me of you.”

“Well now maybe we can decide together.” He said and he placed his hands on her stomach. “I can’t believe that the best thing that ever happened to me started during the worst time in both our lives but I’m glad.”

“What are we gonna do?” She said. “I want nothing more than to have a family with you but everything is such a mess. This isn’t how I planned us starting our life together.”

“We’ll figure it out.” He said. “I uh, I have this property, a cute little four bedroom place. I was going to flip it but I’ve been thinking, it could be perfect for us. There’s this room that I can already see being a perfect nursery, we can decorate it however you want, just tell me and I’ll do it. We could each have a home office and have a little room to grow, if that’s something that you would be interested in.”

Inside of her, their daughter gave a strong kick, causing Emily to laugh.

“I think she likes the sound of that.” She said. “I love you. So much. And I love our daughter.”

“I love both of you.” Derek said. “I know we got a  _ long  _ road ahead of us, but I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that we’re a family.”

Emily smiled and took Derek’s hand as the elevator opened on the ground floor. They went to dinner that night as a couple, vowing to have no more secrets between them and to not keep their love a secret from the team anymore, despite the fact that everyone had figured it out long before Doyle had reared his ugly head and none of them were surprised to learn that Derek was the father of Emily’s unborn child. They were a sight to watch, triumphant in their love, radiant in their happiness. Emily seemed to glow not just from pregnancy but from sheer joy and Derek looked like a man who had just been given a new lease on life. Their happiness was contagious and though there were still a lot of things unresolved and relationships that would need repairing, that night was a celebration of getting their friend back, saving a child’s life, and all of the changes that were soon to come.

_ Ten weeks later  _

It was two o’clock in the morning and Derek Morgan was wide awake. He knew he would be tired the next day, that when he finally went back to work next week, his tiredness would evolve into exhaustion but he couldn’t bear to miss a single second of his daughter’s life and even though Emily scolded him for staying up with her for all of the late night feedings, he knew she appreciated and enjoyed the company. Derek couldn’t take his eyes off of her, though her hair was a mess and there were dark circles under her eyes, all he could see was how beautiful Emily looked. The pinkness of her cheeks, the soft smile that played across her lips and caused her dimple to pop out. How even through the exhaustion she looked completely and totally in love, and it made him love her more.

Adeline Olive Morgan had made her appearance two weeks earlier on a chilly November afternoon, the day after Thanksgiving and just four days before her due date. When Emily’s water broke just after dinner on Thursday evening, she had joked on the drive to the hospital that Addie didn’t want to miss all of the Black Friday deals. After twenty hours of labor, Addie came out looking like she could have been a small turkey herself, weighing in at nine pounds, seven ounces and twenty-one inches long. That first little cry made Derek’s whole world stopped and he didn’t think he would ever forget the look on Emily’s face when they put Adeline on her chest still squealing and searching for food, warmth, and comfort. Her wide, teary-eyed smile had been enough to make his heart explode and when he excused himself to make a quick trip to shower, change clothes, and grab them food that didn’t come from the hospital cafeteria, he made a quick detour at a little antique shop that he had passed by countless times on his way home from work. They brought Addie home that Sunday afternoon and Emily came home to ten dozen red roses, a dozen for each year they had known each other and a dozen for every year Derek had loved her. Then he dropped down on one knee, took Emily by the hand and asked her for forever. Ironically, the only person who hadn’t cried during that moment was the newborn who had momentarily fallen asleep in her carrier. Between sobs, Emily said ‘yes’ and for the first time in his life, Derek Morgan knew how it felt to have everything he wanted.

Now the light from the lamp by Emily’s rocking chair glinted off of the diamond as Emily stroked the soft dark curls on Addie’s tiny head. Derek was mesmerized by the noises his daughter made, how effortless Emily made the whole process look even when he knew that it was anything but. It had taken a couple tries to get Adeline to latch onto her mother’s breast after she was born, and Derek had listened patiently over the past two weeks as Emily detailed how sore she was, how much it took out of her, how she felt like a milk cow, and now Derek’s sole mission in life was to try and make Emily as comfortable as possible in any way he could. He walked quietly over to her, kissed first Emily and then Adeline on the head, then placed his hand over Emily’s, stroking it with his thumb. The adoration he felt was written on his face.

“How are you?” He asked.

“Tired.” She said. “Happy. You know, you’re not gonna be able to do this once you go back to work.”

“Or I’ll just figure out how to survive without sleeping.” He chuckled. “Garcia told me I better bring new pictures with me or not come back at all.”

“I miss her.” Emily said. “I miss all of them.”

“You’ll see them soon enough.” He said. “And you know Rossi made Hotch promise that he wouldn’t call me in on Christmas Day unless an unsub threatened to blow up the White House or something.”

Emily laughed. “Don’t jinx it.”

“What?” Derek teased. “You afraid my mom is going to drive you crazy not letting you do  _ anything  _ around the house when she flies in on the twentieth?”

“I love your mom.” Emily said. “And at least now I’ll know where you get it from, Mr. I Don’t Want My Fiancée Lifting A Finger! You dote on me.”

“Only because I love you.” He said and kissed her on the cheek. “Besides, didn’t the therapist say that that was how I showed love?”

“She did.” Emily nodded. “Acts of service. Actually, she said we both lean towards that one.”

“Well lucky us.” He said. “Man, I can’t believe we’re about to celebrate our first Christmas as a family.”

“It doesn’t feel real yet.” She agreed. “She’s so small. I can’t believe in a few more months I’m gonna have to leave her and go back to work.”

Something in Emily’s voice made Derek look up and he saw the sadness in her eyes and something else that made him suspect that she wasn’t really sure that going back to the BAU after her maternity leave ended was what she really wanted. 

“Hey, look at me.” He said, his voice soft but firm. “You  _ know  _ that you don’t have to go back if you don’t want to do it, right? You can choose something else. I’m not gonna push you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know.” She said. “I know but in this economy-“

“We can make it.” He said. “It might be tight but with what I make at the bureau and what I make from flipping houses, we’ll be okay if you want to just stay home with her, even if it’s only for a little while.”

Emily stayed silent. She blinked rapidly to keep tears from escaping her eyes. Derek frowned.

“Emily, talk to me.” He said. “I know you well enough to know when you’re holding back. No more secrets, remember? So what’s going on in that beautiful brain?”

“I don’t know.” She said quietly. “I thought I would be dying to go back but now that she's here I’m not so sure. I don’t want to miss any of this and it’s so  _ dangerous  _ and I think I still have a lot of baggage from everything that happened and I just don’t know if being there is the right thing for me anymore.”

“Okay.” Derek said. “Well you don’t have to decide right away, they told you to take as much time as you need, and if we wanna get married by the end of next year, it might help to have a little more time to plan.”

“That’s true.” Emily sighed. “And I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom but honestly? Spending my whole day with Addie sounds like it could be my dream job.”

Derek cocked his head to the side. “You wanna know what I think?” He asked.

“Sure.” She said, gently lifting Adeline to burp her.

“I think we should take this one day at a time.” He said as he helped her adjust her shirt. “Let’s just keep discussing, maybe bring it up at our next session and when you feel like you’ve made a decision that’s right for you, we’ll go from there.”

“Okay.” Emily said. She gently handed Adeline to Derek who padded over to the bassinet beside their bed and laid their sleeping daughter into it. Emily’s heart raced as she watched him, her heart swelling with love and pride. “God, I really hit the jackpot with you. I can’t believe you’re the guy I get to marry.”

Derek smiled. “That’s funny, princess.” He said. “Cause that’s exactly the way I feel about you.”

Things wouldn’t be resolved overnight. It would take many more long conversations and a lot of soul-searching before they decided on the path that they wanted to take for their family, but in that moment they were right where they wanted to be and that was enough. The holidays would bring a new sense of joy and excitement as they celebrated Addie’s first Christmas and the beginning of their life as a family. A new year would soon arrive and with it their impending nuptials, and though so many changes were on the horizon that were both exciting and scary, Derek and Emily felt a sense of calm knowing that they would face them together. Ian Doyle had almost taken everything from them, but now they had more than they could ever imagine. They were happy, and they knew that no matter what came next, they had each other. Seven months of hell had turned into a lifetime of bliss and for once, both of them knew that they couldn’t be happier.


End file.
